Stop Processing Pain: Unlock Your Hidden Strengths Instead

Welcome to the Paul Vette podcast, a podcast about leadership, mindset, and hypnosis. Enjoy listening. Please stop processing, letting go, healing. It's not helping you. It's only pushing you further into problems. Because the moment you focus on processing, letting go, and healing, you're actually focusing in the same way as a driver would focus on the lampposts or trees along the road. As you know, you shouldn't do that, because if you do, you automatically steer toward them. And that's what people do when they're only busy with processing, healing traumas, yes, peeling off another layer and only searching for that. Because the only thing you do is amplify the negativity you're trying to process, let go of, or heal. It becomes a neural pathway that gets increasingly difficult to break through because you keep making it bigger. And just as I say you should never sit in a room with someone who experiences your problem as just as big a problem as you do. Because the moment you experience a problem as very big, that it almost takes over your entire world, and you step into a room and someone shows you compassion, they're going to show pity and they're going to see that same big problem as also a big problem for you. Yes, no, it's really a big problem. Yeah, what happens then? Then there are two people in the room who see your problem as a big problem. Doesn't work. What does work is if you experience something as a very big problem, going to someone who does acknowledge that it's a big problem for you, but who themselves thinks 'well, we can easily solve that.' By doing so, they don't negate your existence. It's not that they think 'you don't matter' or 'you're wrong.' No, by doing that the other person is only saying 'yes, I recognize that problem and there are easy solutions for it.' And that's what you'd much rather have, because the moment you step into a room and you experience something as a big problem and someone else says come on, let's sit down and we'll solve it. Yeah, then you also gain confidence that it can be solved. That's much nicer. But it's the same with processing, letting go, and healing. There are simply people who seek out other people who experience a problem as a big problem and then together they all explain why it's a big problem and why it's also heavy and why it's also difficult and hard. Then it only becomes heavier, more difficult, and harder. Just like with letting go. That's a very powerful example. A lot of people say 'yes, I just have to let that go, I just have to let it go.' Then I say yes, that makes no sense. Because the moment you keep saying I have to let it go, you're unconsciously saying that you're holding onto it. And we're just not paying enough attention to that. That when we focus on something, to remove it, to process it, we're saying okay, it's big, it's present, I'm directing myself toward it and it's difficult. Then that becomes a very big part of your life. And I want to invite you to step into a world, a world I live in and with me other people who see, okay, I've been through a lot of things in my life. One person more than another and one person heavier things than another. Of course, it's not a comparison either, doesn't matter at all, but I grant you the suffering from your past. Because where it became heavy in your past, that's where qualities and competencies emerged at lightning speed. Because when things get heavy in our lives, we humans are really good at this, then we adapt. And then we develop qualities and competencies that have actually yielded us a great deal. They have enormous power in them. Only what's often the danger is, when you develop something in your youth from an adaptive capacity, that behavior is seen as extreme, as something that deviates from the norm. So what also happens is that your behavior, so you experience something, something heavy, through that you develop your behavior. You're going to display that behavior and that behavior deviates from the norm. And what is the rest going to do? They're going to address you about that behavior and they're going to say that it's unwanted behavior. So they want to pull you back to what's normal. Well, I can tell you if you take all people in the world and look at all the kinds of behavior that people display worldwide and merge all that into one average, there's not a single person who displays exactly that behavior in the middle. They simply don't exist. But back to that behavior you developed, which people see as abnormal, as deviant. A gold mine was born there for you. But because people started seeing all that as 'hey, that's deviant behavior' and they told you to stop it, you also started seeing it as negative behavior. So then you have the situation that was heavy, which you see as negative, and the behavior that came from it, you also see as negative. Yeah, then you're going to reject yourself enormously on all those qualities and competencies you have, if you just dare to be your authentic self, including all those competencies and qualities you developed there. And that's what I wish for you. So I want to invite you to the world where you actually look at which deviant behavior of mine did I do in the past or of which you secretly know deep inside, yes, there's a hidden power in me, but it's not fully expressed. And that you actually go searching for that power, searching for the deviant thing that makes you different from others of which you think 'yes, that's normal and not quite right, because of that I'm not quite stable and the norm,' that you actually look at that behavior and search and see 'hey, but there's actually a gold mine for me there, because there are qualities and competencies stored there of something you can do very well, which 99 percent or actually even more 99.999 percent of people can't even do in the way that you can. And there lies your gold. And the moment you realize that, then it doesn't work to go process or heal or let go of things. No, you have to rewrite it. You have to reconstruct the story in your head, so that you can actually dominate with that behavior. Because it's precisely the people who perform at super high levels, are enormously successful, who have let those qualities and competencies they developed flourish, through which they thrive, through which they're distinctive, through which people recognize them. Doesn't matter if someone walks in and they're authentic, then you think, but that's that person instead of hey, don't I know you from somewhere? Maybe yes or no. You don't know. No, people who are truly distinctive and authentic and have embraced precisely that behavior they developed through the less good experiences in life. That ensures that, because you have that too, that you actually grow and that you flourish and that you can also approach high performance. Why do I say approach? You can also achieve it, but high performance also comes with a price and you have to be willing to pay that price. If you approach it, then you have a super successful life. You embrace precisely all the qualities and competencies that you perhaps see as peculiarities that nobody should care about. Well yes, many people are helped by those peculiarities of yours and then you can approach it. And the moment you approach that, then you also have a good life. If you really want to achieve high performance, then that will also be possible. Then you do have to pay a price, because the moment you do that, you also have to leave a lot behind in your life, which is also okay. And that's also when you approach high performance. Then you also have to leave things behind. But both are possible for you and so I want to invite you to make that identity shift and see, hey, everything from my past, there are precisely powers hidden there and I want to let those come to expression. And that's what I wish for you. And the moment you're in a world that's only busy looking at things, processing, healing, letting go, yes, then it will also be very difficult to let precisely your own powers come out. And then I would say send me a message, even if you find it difficult to do that. Because sometimes other quite crude tools are needed to get that out of someone. And I do wish for you that all your hidden qualities and competencies really come to expression, so that you can really grow to that level where you also think 'okay, then I'm really proud of myself' and where you feel 'okay, yes, I can do that, I can make that happen, I can stand there, I am that winner,' because that's what I wish for you. Yes, I also hope of course that things are going well with you. I hope things are going well with your loved ones and I wish you a very nice day. Hi! --- This transcript has been translated from Dutch.