Loneliness at the Top: From Success to True Connection

Welcome to the Paul Vette podcast. For high performers who know, 90 percent is not an option. I threw my arm in the air and I cheered. And I felt alone. Empty. Lonely and misunderstood. I was standing at the edge of the club. On stage behind the DJ booth spinning. And I had that evening, really great evening, in front of me stood a well-known DJ. 2500 people stood in front of me and I had laid down a story of music that evening and I was building toward a climax. Of which I was certain: 'Okay, this climax will make the club explode.' And that happened. I spun toward the moment and I knew: the lighting jockeys know it, The visuals are exactly right. The lasers, everything aligned on that one moment of climax. And I'm building toward it and I took a step back to watch What would happen in the club? And the track drops, the club explodes. I throw my hands in the air and there was that emptiness, that loneliness. And then I knew: this is not what success is supposed to be. And in this episode of the Paul Vette podcast I'm going to help you transform loneliness and lack of understanding into connection and understanding. For yourself. Because that emptiness I felt in perhaps one of the most successful moments at least in my DJ career. Yes, that emptiness and loneliness I don't wish on anyone, not on you either. I'm also just wondering when you hear this. What moment of loneliness or lack of understanding do you recognize in yourself? Maybe not pleasant to think about, but necessary if you want to get rid of it. If you want to do something about it. What moment of loneliness did you experience? And I wonder Where do you feel that? Do you feel that in your chest for example or very much in your head? Or is your whole body tense? Or is there actually a great absence of feeling? Because you know, I found out later on that stage, I just wasn't, and this may sound a bit airy-fairy, you might not be able to do much with it, but stay with me. I just wasn't connected with myself. I was standing there and I was only thinking with my head yeah, this is awesome, this is cool, this takes me further. And with my head I was already on to a next performance because a few weeks later I had an even bigger performance in Amsterdam in Club Escape scheduled. And that's where my thoughts already were. So me cheering and I was indeed building toward that climax. Yeah, I just wasn't there at all. I wasn't really engaged with it at all. And I wonder you know Suppose you now think of a moment where you did experience a good feeling. Just a good experience. Could be a long time ago right. I hope not for you, but it could be. Could really be years ago that you really had a good feeling. Not necessarily something successful, but that you feel like yeah, yeah, that was good. And when you think of that then you feel more connected. At least with a good feeling, but also with yourself. And that insight, that ultimately brought me a tremendous amount which now allows me to feel even small successes intensely. Not to constantly dwell on them, that makes no sense. But that ensured that I felt much less lonely and much more understood. Especially with myself, because loneliness is almost always an absence of connection with yourself. So if you now think of something with this good feeling. This is a practical tip for you. If you're really honest about what you truly long for. If you now think of something you really long for. That you also allow yourself to want that. Because often we're so busy with success and moving forward and we're not allowed to have certain longings and we push them away. But if you now just allow yourself for a moment to think with this good feeling about what you really long for and that that can be there for a moment. And this insight, that you can be more deeply connected with yourself and that then the loneliness is less. Why? Because you can then also connect more deeply with another person. And when you can connect with another person on a deeper level, loneliness disappears and there's also automatically more understanding because you don't necessarily need to be understood logically or intellectually. Which we often like to seek in that as well. Not necessary at all. The connection is more in the feeling. I wonder if you allow yourself to feel for a moment what you long for and that that can be there for a moment with perhaps that good feeling from that situation you just thought of. Then you're already more connected and you already have more understanding for yourself and hopefully you feel that too in your body or in your head. Which is part of your body of course. And if you want to take action right away because you realize this is the path I need. Request an intake via Paulvette dot com slash intake. Because then we can take action right away, get to work immediately. Because that loneliness and lack of understanding, they're not necessary at all. Even though there are few people who perform at your level. One, they do exist and two, that feeling of loneliness and lack of understanding doesn't come from there at all. So request the intake via Paulvet dot com slash intake and I'll see you there. Did you find this valuable? Then share it with other high-performers. For those who also don't settle for average. --- This transcript has been translated from Dutch.