Loneliness & Misunderstanding: The Compass for Your Next Growth

Welcome to the Paul Vette podcast for high-performers who know 90 percent is not an option. This is what nobody tells you about loneliness and feeling misunderstood. It's actually an escape. It's not the solution if you focus on that. And you understand that, but still you think the solution within loneliness and feeling misunderstood lies in finding others. But that's not true. That's not the solution. Finding others, you'll only go looking for people who already understand you now. Because then you run into a problem, because you've long since met those people. The problem is the people who understand you now, that's why you feel misunderstood and that's why you feel lonely. Loneliness and feeling misunderstood is something different for you. When I stood on that stage, alone, while there were 2500 people in front of me and behind me on that stage there were also hundreds of people dancing. So I really stood in the middle of a group of people, but still alone in the DJ booth, cheering alone without feeling. Then I didn't want to connect with the people there in the club at all. So those people around me weren't the right people to make me feel understood, to solve my loneliness. It was a sign that I myself had to make a shift, that I had to grow. And that's the compass for you too. You're running into this feeling because you have to make a shift in who you are. You have to resolve a certain blockage within yourself. And in that blockage, there's a gold mine of a primal strength or talent of yours that you're not using yet. That you might even be afraid of. Or that you think you don't even understand yourself in. Loneliness and feeling misunderstood is simply a compass to show you that you have to make a shift to the person you can be and that deep down you also want to be. The moment you zoom out from the feeling of loneliness and think about what you already did in episode 2 of this series about the person you can be. Maybe you can place yourself in the future. Say a year from now. And that you're then the person you deep down want to be. Then you've gone through a certain growth, then you are that person now. And so the question is, what growth have you made then? Because the moment you see that, the growth that you have to make that you've therefore made a year from now and you are that person a year from now. How does that feel for you? And what steps did you have to take? What choices and decisions did you make that you found exciting to make? What people did you say goodbye to? Which you might also have found exciting. And when you've made that shift, you go through that growth, then you meet people. Then you meet people in the place where you want to be. And those people, they understand you directly. As soon as you meet them, immediately they realize, 'Hey, there he is' or 'there she is'. Ronald Goedemont tells that very beautifully. He says: 'Yes, I always have the feeling that if the aliens come here to earth and they land with their super fancy vehicle on earth and they get out, that he then thinks: there's the rest. That's actually a bit what can happen with you and is necessary. To feel understood and less lonely, you have to make a shift so that you move among other people. People who are further ahead than you in a certain area. Because maybe you're standing at the top of a pyramid in your field. But there are always things in you, in your life, for you as an entrepreneur, artist or top athlete where you can still grow. That probably has to do with mindset and it even has to do with what potential you can reach. I work with someone and his dream is to win the Champions League. And I find it very normal for someone to express that. But he tells me that when he expresses that to others, now in his environment, they look at him a bit sideways. That they get a certain smile on their face. And not one from warmth and enthusiasm, but more like who do you think you are or oh, there's another one or whatever. Of course you feel misunderstood and lonely within such a group of people. And now that person dares to express it much more often. And suddenly he attracts certain people who have that same dream. Not even necessarily winning the Champions League but winning the Champions League within their field. And suddenly there's less loneliness and there is understanding. But within his old environment there was misunderstanding and there was loneliness. And that works both ways. So often you have to say goodbye to people because they're not in line with your big ambitions. But then conversely it also eats away at them because you're always the one with those big ambitions and they don't feel that in themselves. That's not nice for those people either. So it works both ways. The moment you take yourself seriously with your big ambition and you're going to express that more often, then you naturally attract the people who fit with that, who fit with you. So the feeling of loneliness and understanding doesn't mean you should go looking for people who understand you. You first have to reinvent yourself. Go understand yourself in your big ambitions. And that's often difficult because there are often all kinds of limiting beliefs and blockages on that. That's why with the PIS method, the Permanent Identity Shift, I go through 5 steps where you don't just leave your past behind, but transform it into a gold mine for primal talents, primal strengths. Then we also activate that performance. From there you only then adjust your environment. And then we also strengthen extra talents for you. And then? Then we burn that bridge back to that old identity for you, so that your new environment comes completely in line with who you want to be. And then an environment is created for you in which you do feel understood and in which you feel less lonely. Because that loneliness may be there, because it always remains a compass for you. That guides you. In what direction should I go now? And having a compass is super useful. And of course it's super nice to have those people around you, but be careful that you don't go looking for those people, but first figure yourself out. Do you want to do that together with me? I have 2 spots per month to start. Request an intake via Paul Vette dot com slash intake and who knows, I'll see you there. Did you find this valuable? Then share it with other high performers. For those who also don't settle for average. --- This transcript has been translated from Dutch.