Emotional Person = Tantrum-Throwing Toddler

Welcome to the Paul Vette podcast. For peak performers who know 90 percent is not an option. Hey honey, could you pass me that bag? Yes, I know it's in the way. That could very well be a normal conversation between a man and a woman, partners. But what's happening here? That emotional, somewhat exaggerated reaction obviously has nothing to do with the question. Unless it's a subtle hint from the partner to actually say: clean up your shit. Which could very well be the case. But what's interesting, what I want to talk about, is that emotional reaction. In this case, of the woman I was imitating. That doesn't fit within the normal spectrum. And what you often see then is, and this really helps you tremendously, this trick for dealing with other people's emotions and ultimately also with your own emotions. But such an emotion from another person, that's not healthy adult behavior. In her case, not a fully developed feminine response. In a man's case, not a fully developed masculine response. It's simply a childish reaction to something from, in this situation I have in mind, from stress, from there's already too much going on, emotions are running high, a filling in of a story from in this case the woman. And she makes something of it and the emotion squirts out. But what helps tremendously is to look at other people's emotions when they're quite intense. So not when someone says 'yes, I feel hurt' or 'hey, I'm sad' or 'you look at someone and you see tearful eyes'. Still a clear emotional reaction. That's fine. But the moment it just gets a bit more intense, then someone is triggered by something that doesn't come from the present at all. That triggers something from that person's past. And then the trick is, which is genius if I say so myself. What you can do is with people who react emotionally, just think of them as if they're a child. Because with a child it's completely logical that they lose it when a normal trigger occurs. A child still needs to learn to be aware of those emotions first, to become conscious of emotions. A child needs to learn to then channel those emotions and use them for good. And not suppress them but just observe and deploy when you need it, when it's helpful. Because in some situations it's useful to get angry or to show sadness. And the moment when you can experience that in a conscious way, always and deploy it when it's smart, when it's useful. Yes, then you have an adult, fully developed, masculine or feminine response. But it helps you when you look at others and you think wow, that's an emotional reaction. Often you also just want to go fully against it, go fully into resistance. The resistance can also mean withdrawing. That can also be a reaction. Then you can ask yourself whether that from you is a fully developed feminine or masculine response. But it can also be going fully into resistance. If someone reacts like that, yes, I know. Yes, then you can also say, hey, I don't mean that at all, makes no sense, shut up. That doesn't work either, that's counterproductive, then you're only feeding it. What can really help you is therefore to see like wow, that's a childish reaction from an adult person. And then just imagine that that person is briefly the little child who is stamping their feet. Anyway, laughing, laughing just to imagine that. Especially when someone is really quite angry, that you think wow, it's just a foot-stamping toddler. It's really funny to imagine that with political figures when they're once again standing with their fist in the air or banging on the table. When you then see this foot-stamping toddler. It's really funny and it completely takes away the charge for you, which allows you to see that someone is behaving like a foot-stamping toddler. What that automatically flips is that you are the adult in the situation. So that automatically ensures that your brain also starts connecting with the adult part in yourself. And that you start positioning yourself as an adult. And not also start reacting like a foot-stamping toddler to that situation. It's really genius. It's wonderful to see it that way and to start doing that in situations. So if you think back to a certain situation where you saw someone that you thought wow, they really just went almost ballistic with emotions. Yes, then think back to it and see that person as a foot-stamping toddler and then feel what that does to your perception. Hopefully softening takes place there, maybe even connection and love, maybe understanding. And all those things ensure that you can handle it more easily next time. And then the next step is of course when you're in such a situation to then instantly see it that way. Never say to people, never say you're behaving like a foot-stamping toddler, unless you've watched this video together and can refer to it in an adult way, then yes. But otherwise don't do it, because yes, then someone only gets angrier. Then they might also shout. I'm not a child. With which you prove you're reacting like a child of course. But see it that way and then position yourself as an adult as a rock in the surf who is just neutral and just lets that emotion be. If you go against it then you give it energy and attention and then it grows. Has no use at all. But if you can just see it like wow what's happening there? Yes, such a foot-stamping toddler who goes off for a moment. Just let it happen. And then afterwards ask, hey, what can I do for you? Nothing, leave me alone. Well yes, that's clear. Leave that person alone for a moment, even if they say nothing, leave me alone. Very cool, but the moment when you apply this to yourself of course, then you go another step further and then you can see that you too in certain situations behave like a foot-stamping toddler. From resistance, from defense or attack or even from really an emotion, sadness or anger. Yes, go and look at that for yourself also as a kind of distance as an adult, as a fully developed masculine or feminine being. That you look back at yourself in certain situations and then investigate what's happening there. That way it becomes much easier for you to observe your emotions and to deploy them consciously for good for your own objectives. Just try it. --- This transcript has been translated from Dutch.